He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
