Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
