as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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