No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
