you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
