I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
