My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
