If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
All the doctor said was why
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
