4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
