Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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