I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
