I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
