In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
