How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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