Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
