Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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