It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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