In the future we'll all be gay
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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