just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
