Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
