All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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