are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
