you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
