Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Im part way to drunk.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
