I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
accomplished twins. life is a go
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Randomize
