i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
