I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
My bed smells like the plague
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
