3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
My vagina is very pro this idea
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
