I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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