What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
