The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
