so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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