I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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