BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
3 2 1 whiskey
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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