one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
