You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
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