he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
