You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
