just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
