i just wanna soil my oats bro
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Randomize
