I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Randomize
