Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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