dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
