i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
