you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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