where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
