is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
