im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
