I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
