Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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