I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
