I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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