I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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