What did we do last night that was yellow?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Randomize
