that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
