Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Randomize
