She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
