Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I had to cum in my sink.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
